From Tech Executive to Accidental Caregiver
Many of you know me as a Global Communications Leader, Tech Executive, Public Speaker, and Advisor having spent 20+ years spearheading global communications campaigns in the software industry. However, you may not know that I've also been the primary caregiver for my mother for several years, a role that came about as a complete surprise to me.
This post is one I've struggled to write. Usually, I'd share an update on a new job or leadership position on LinkedIn. However, today, with the encouragement of family and friends, I'm writing about something more personal: my journey as an accidental caregiver for my mom. I guess technically, this is a job and leadership update too, because in addition to my ongoing communications consulting work, I'm adding two more titles to my name: Chief Caregiver for my mom, and author of the forthcoming book: The Family Healthcare Playbook: An Action Plan for the Accidental Caregiver.
From Tech Executive to Accidental Caregiver
First, some context — a personal story and a short excerpt from my book — that brings my journey of becoming an accidental caregiver to life:
"I'm so sorry, but your mother only has thirty minutes left to live. Please call all next of kin."
I searched the face of the unfamiliar doctor before me, shivering in the cold, sterile hospital hallway. "I'm sorry," I said, "but you must be thinking of someone else. That's not my mom. My mom is here for food poisoning." The doctor shook her head. "No, it's not food poisoning. She had a brain aneurysm that ruptured, and she's been bleeding on the brain for several hours. We are working on her now, but she only has thirty minutes left to live. Please call all next of kin."
That day forever changed me, my mom, and our family. It was that day and those words – "She only has thirty minutes left to live" — that plunged me into the world of accidental caregiving. That singular experience kicked off a deluge of pain, confusion, anger, anxiety, and sorrow that later evolved into a multi-year (off-and-on) journey navigating the healthcare system with and on behalf of my mom, and my role as her accidental caregiver.
Fortunately, this story has a hopeful ending. That night, my mom made it to thirty minutes. Then an hour. And then another hour after that. And though her recovery was long and arduous, and she would go on to experience additional medical challenges in the coming years, she lived. And she is alive today. There is no way to capture how grateful my family and I are to that team of surgeons, doctors, residents, nurses, and support staff. They saved her life.
Accidental Caregivers Need Help. This Playbook is a First Step
My reason for telling you this story (with my mother’s permission, of course), and my reason for writing this book — my "why" — is that I don’t want another family to experience what I experienced as I became an accidental caregiver. It was overwhelming. It was scary. It was heartbreaking. It was expensive. And it was at times debilitating. Looking back, I wish I'd had some tools and resources to guide me while I was struggling to juggle work and caregiving. I wish I'd asked for more help. I wish I'd been smarter about diving deeper into our family's medical history. I wish I'd known how to better advocate for my mom, family, and myself.
There's a saying: "When you know better, you do better." Since that time, and as my mother has experienced additional health challenges, I've become out of necessity somewhat of an expert on accidental caregiving. I've worked with doctors, surgeons, nurses, and social workers to help manage my mom's care. I’ve scoured the fine print on health insurance policies, researched rehabilitation facilities, poured over advance health directives, and carefully navigated the healthcare system – learning the right questions to ask.
I've taken what I've learned writing playbooks as a communications executive to write a playbook for accidental caregivers like me. As I've delved into the development of this playbook, I've been overwhelmed by the number of others I've encountered in similar situations. Other accidental caregivers have requested just such a playbook to help them with their own situations. The result: The Family Healthcare Playbook: An Action Plan for the Accidental Caregiver.
What is The Family Healthcare Playbook?
First, I'll tell you what it isn't. This is not a memoir, it's an action plan. It's short. You can read it in one sitting. It's a practical, step-by-step guide for other accidental or unexpected caregivers, working adults suddenly needing to take care of a loved one. It prepares the reader for their new, unexpected role as a non-professional, unpaid caregiver or helps them navigate a caregiving crisis if they are already in the thick of it.
The Family Healthcare Playbook is comprised of four (4) key sections:
The Playbook itself which outlines what to do before, during, and after a medical event.
A series of family medical templates and worksheets for you and your loved one(s) to complete, along with links to other online support resources and organizations.
A discussion guide and a series of conversation starters designed to help you initiate potentially tricky conversations with your loved ones as you navigate caregiving.
Advice and tools on caring for the caregiver—that's you. Whether you have been caring for a loved one for two weeks or two years, the stress can take its toll.
At the end of each section is a short checklist of action items you can begin working on immediately. The items are organized by the time estimated to complete each task, with recommendations on how to get started if you have 5 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour, or a few days.
What about GenAI? Or building an AI Agent? Is there an app for this?
While writing this book, I've often been asked: You come from tech, so why not an app instead of a book? What about building an AI Agent?
In the case of GenAI, AI Agents, and apps, I've found it most helpful to have a "YES, AND" approach to caregiving. YES, technology can augment some of the work of a caregiver, such as using AI tools for note-taking during a loved one’s doctor appointment, or to review trends in your loved one's blood pressure readings over time, removing their PHI (Protected Health Information) before entering, of course. In fact, early research and reports indicate that AI may become an enormously helpful tool for medical professionals and caregivers alike. AND at the same time, I started with a playbook that includes words of advice, resources, and templates that are simple and perhaps surprisingly low-tech by design. Why?
Caregiving starts and ends with the person – your loved one – the patient. Despite technology interventions, all medical issues involve people and the complexities, emotions, neurosis, and stressors of being human. Yes, there are many ways to "optimize" and "enable" caregiving with technology, i.e., telemedicine, diagnostic testing, etc. Still, when your loved one is in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) or you're suddenly faced with a life-or-death decision, a lot of that technology goes out the window. Caregiving and all the emotions associated with it will – and should – always require a human touch.
A Caveat
Caregiving is rarely a one-and-done situation. My caregiving experience with my mom is still ongoing, and every day there is a new development, a new report, a new tool, or a new medical professional that brings more clarity (and sometimes more confusion) to our caregiving journey. As this book goes to print in 2025, there are ongoing changes in the healthcare industry, its laws and technologies. I am sharing this playbook with the most current information available based on my personal experiences. As more advances emerge, I plan to update this book, its tools, and my recommendations accordingly.
Learn More about The Family Healthcare Playbook
The Family Healthcare Playbook: An Action Plan for the Accidental Caregiver will be available as an ebook and print book through Amazon, my website, and other venues this year. Visit www.thefamilyhealthcareplaybook.com and sign up to learn when the book will be available for purchase. And stay tuned for more details – I’ll preview some of the key takeaways from the book here and on my website in the run-up to the publication launch.
PS: I’m still actively doing communications advisory work for CEOs, Founders and entrepreneurs so you can still reach out to me for that as well.